I have been a Christian for 8 years now, and my relationship with God - similarly to any other relationship - has been a complicated, emotional, fulfilling and beautiful journey. I most liken my journey with God to being like a marriage; I appreciate that not being married I can't really consider myself well-versed in this area (well-versed is possibly the understatement of the year…I literally have no clue), but it's the best mirror image of my history with God that I have ever come across.
Like a marriage, relationship with God is first and foremost all about love, and secondly all about commitment. Although God is the perfect partner in that He loves perfectly and never gives up on me, because I am a flawed human being, our relationship is inevitably the same. Some days I run on the buzz of an amazing experience with Him, or just a feeling of His presence and joy being so obvious in me, and these times are amazing and precious. But there are other days when God feels distant, when it's hard, and when loving God is not a nice, cosy, happy feeling…but a conscious choice. I chose to make God the first thing in my life when I became a Christian at 12 years old - I like to think becoming a Christian is like falling in love, but again I'm no expert! - but 8 years later, long after the 'honeymoon period' has finished, I'm still making that same choice every day. I choose God above fitting in with everybody else, above popularity, above boys, even above my family and friends...as the hymn says, 'all the vain things that charm me most'. But - like a marriage - as I continue to choose God and He continues to choose me, our relationship grows deeper and more meaningful every day.
When the Pevensies return to Narnia in Prince Caspian, and Lucy sees Aslan again for the first time, she notices that he has grown bigger. Aslan replies, that every year Lucy grows, he will grow also. Aslan is designed by Lewis to reflect God, and although God is unchanging, our perception of Him is constantly shifting. When I was a child I saw God through a much simpler lens than the way I seem Him now; I had different needs, and so saw different parts of His character from the ones I see now. As my focus shifts and I ask different questions of God, I find new depths of His character that satisfy my needs and questions in ways I didn't see before; God was a storybook character when I was little, then a friend, then a Father; and now, He's the first thing in my life, and He has seemed more complicated and astounding every year. In short, as I grow, my experience and knowledge of God grows too.
I keep thinking that God and I have reached our limit, that although together we have done some incredible things, that's it now. And God just keeps saying 'with my power, we can do anything'. When I was reflecting on my gap year before I came to university I remember thinking that God had blessed me so much with amazing opportunities, and given me exactly what I needed when I needed it to complete the tasks ahead, and that it couldn't possibly get any better. He spoke to me through an Olly Murs song (this is what I mean by God knowing us…He knows Olly Murs' music is the way to my heart!) which said 'we've learnt to walk but now it's time to run…'. God just keeps taking me to new places, just like it says in Deuteronomy 11 'the land you are entering to take up ownership isn't like Egypt'. As we go to new places, I have to rely on God more…and my faith grows, because He always, always comes through for me.
Relationship with God is about hard work, faith, joy and creating a history…finding how you and God fit together, learning about Him and what He's like, and discovering new and awesome aspects of His character all the time. It's the most exciting adventure I ever have or ever will go on, and this post doesn't even begin to cover how layered and meaningful it is, but I have tried my best to put words to it; I am a writer after all.
