Mamma mia, here we go again...

So I've been back in France for a couple of weeks now, and thought I should fill you in on what's been going on! So first of all, my flight back on the Sunday night was cancelled due to fog in the UK, and after queuing for 4 and a half hours at the airport I was eventually transferred on to the next available flight, on Wednesday morning. This meant that I would end up missing 4 out of my 5 classes of the week, which was kind of frustrating as there almost seemed no point in going back that week at all!! That's one of the odd things about the Year Abroad: the amount of time we spend in compulsory classes is actually pretty small (for British Council and studying at least), which often makes me feel like I have no real 'reason' to be in France. Obviously the compulsory 'reason' for me being here isn't really the point, it's all about the other stuff that comes with just being in the country, and using the language: the studying is really just an excuse to be here, if that makes any sense! Anyway, I booked on to the Wednesday flight, and enjoyed a couple of bonus days at home with my parents (who I'd actually hardly seen, seeing as I had spent the week in Exeter and not with them...they're very long-suffering!!).

Lunch with my Mummy

These days were lovely, but in some ways really odd because I had geared myself up to go back at the weekend, and so it felt a bit like I had been building up to an exam which had been postponed! But I did feel a lot more ready to go back to France come Wednesday, and had had the chance to get over the worst of my Exeter homesickness whilst I still had the comforts of home around me! Inevitably I had a couple of panic moments when I arrived back: getting back on the bus going back the other way for another 7 weeks was not easy, but in fact the first few days altogether were much better than I had imagined they might be! I couldn't help but compare it to the last time I arrived in Rennes, terrified and knowing I had an uphill struggle to create a routine and some sort of normality, and I realised how much more settled I was this time! I had a routine, I knew people here, and I had done all the stressful and scary admin/settling in stuff already. Plus, I realised I only have a couple of empty weekends until Christmas: all the others were taken up with fun trips and visits! The weekends are often the most difficult days because they're really long (I don't have classes on Fridays and Mondays) and whereas normally I would be thrilled about having extra time to do fun things and see friends and family, I have a much shorter list of these things here that I can fill my free time with, so unless I actively plan stuff to do, I can get to Tuesday morning feeling bored, unproductive and pretty lonely. One such exciting event I had planned was dinner with Ellie and another girl from Exeter who is doing British Council not far from Rennes: we were at the restaurant for hours eating and drinking sangria, and reminiscing about life in Exe!

Amazing food and cocktails, and lots of laughter: perfect dinner date

Ellie and I ended up going for crêpes the night before as well, completely spontaneously...basically we were looking at restaurants and getting really hungry, and neither of us could be bothered to cook, so I suggested we go to Crêperie Sainte Anne (my favourite one), as Ellie had yet to sample their amazing crêpes. And as we tell ourselves every time we feel like maybe we go out for dinner too often, Exeter specifically tell us to work on our intercultural competence over this year, and really absorb the local culture...how can we do that if we're not eating crêpes regularly? It's as essential to our degrees as grammar exercises and essays. Anyway, they were insanely good, as always.

We were beyond hungry at this point

So that was my first week back! The weekend was pretty busy too, doing washing and shopping and making biscuits for church on Sunday as I was helping out with the kids for the first time, which was so much fun. I was slightly worried that I wouldn't be able to understand them/they wouldn't be able to understand me, but it was completely fine, and they were so hilarious and welcoming. It was so refreshing to spend time with them and look at life through their eyes, and be reminded of how simple everything really is!

That brings me on to Week 2, which was less great. I just started feeling really homesick halfway through the week, and struggled to get myself out of that...possibly because in the first week I'd managed to keep myself busy and stave off homesickness for the most part, but then as last week was much quieter my mind drifted towards home more often! But I felt better towards the end of the week and much better today as I got on with getting things done and organising life again...hopefully this week will be better!

Finally, I'm sure many of you will have seen my brief Facebook updates from my trip to Paris this weekend, but I will also be writing a post about it all soon to talk about it in a bit more detail. So until then mes amis!

Homecoming

I need to apologise to you all, dear readers, for being completely MIA in the last month. Nothing disastrous has happened, in fact quite the opposite: I have actually begun to settle in to a regular routine here in France, and as the constant newness started to go I just felt like there wasn't as much to write about! And then I was at home for Reading Week and super busy, and just enjoying being back with my family and friends, so again my blog took a bit of a back seat. So now that I'm sitting here having finished my first week back in Brittany for stage 2 of my year abroad, I decided it was about time I update you all! I'm going to split the last few weeks into two separate posts: this one will be about the last week of stage 1 and Reading Week, and then I will do another post in the next few days about my first week back. Here we go!

So the last week before I went home really dragged to be perfectly honest. I had a fairly empty weekend which I generally don't like, as ironically I often end up being very unproductive if I have no set plans! I did eventually manage to get some things done like washing, present buying and scanning grant agreements back to Exeter, but that 4 day weekend can be an absolute killer unless I really make an effort to keep myself busy! Ellie and I did use the time to make a slightly pale lemon cake though...despite not having any scales, not knowing how to convert the oven temperature, and completely guessing which of the many French flours was equivalent to self-raising.

Desperate times...

The finished article

Once I got to Tuesday it started to speed up a bit as I had lessons for the rest of the week, and then I was busy packing and getting everything ready to go home. It was a weird week, because on the one hand I was so excited to go home, and so proud that I had made it so far, but it felt like the week before Christmas: I've literally never known time go so slowly!

I wrote a few thoughts down the night before I went home, and thought I'd share a few of them with you here. My overwhelming feeling was pride (and not in the usual not-so-great sense, for once). I couldn't believe I'd actually made it to the end of that 7 weeks without having to go home or having a total breakdown, and the sense of achievement I felt in boarding the plane almost made all the difficulties worth it, just for that (I said almost). I was also unbelievably grateful to God for His incredible faithfulness in sticking with me through the hardest times, and never giving up on me or leaving me, and for carrying me through. It was such a massive moment for me, because I had done something I honestly believed I couldn't do, which I had been dreading for years, and which truly pushed me to my limit. I would say that's the biggest thing I've learnt so far from my YA: that I am stronger and tougher than I thought I was, and that my God is bigger than I thought He was. As I sat in Costa at Southampton airport on probably the worst morning of my life, throwing up every five minutes and shaking, the thought of getting on a plane to come home again in almost 2 months seemed totally unattainable. I don't think I'm over exaggerating (which is rare for me) when I say that nothing in my life has ever seemed more impossible. But, finally, it was done. And words can't really describe how I felt, to be able to say that.

My friend sent me this quote with a few others before I came to France, and although I really liked them at the time, I don't think I truly understood their depth: but this one summed up my feelings on that day perfectly.

"It always seems impossible until it's done"

Nelson Mandela

The seat in Costa where I sat 7 weeks ago, trying not to be sick

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Anyway, after that deep and emotional reflection, on to the fun stuff!! My journey got off to an interesting start, in that I was stopped at French security and asked to unpack my suitcase, which was fairly terrifying, and also really annoying because my bag had been packed and repacked very precisely to fit everything in (I felt a bit like Monica in this clip). So the security unpacked all my stuff while I tried not to weep at the prospect of having to get it all back in...and then he came to the biscuit tin (I had bought my Mum a really cute French biscuit tin as a present. Back to the story) which - as I was so tight on space - I had packed full of underwear. I then had to try and explain to him (in French) that yes that was a biscuit tin, but no it didn't have biscuits in, but in fact my knickers and socks, because my case was so packed. I'm pretty sure he, all the other security staff, and all the other passengers thought I was crazy at this point. He proceeded to unpack all my carefully folded knickers, before saying that yes that was all fine and yes I could repack my case. It then took me about 15 minutes to get it all back in, and the guard had to come back over to lean on it whilst I zipped it shut. Not my finest or most dignified hour. Moving on swiftly.

 So I was slightly concerned I might break down in tears when I got to UK Border Control (that's one of my favourite bits of coming back in to a UK airport...the staff always seem to be so friendly, and make me very glad to be back!) as I often get a bit emotional even after just a few days away! I felt myself tear up a bit when we landed and I saw all the signs in English, and a massive 'Welcome to Southampton' sign, but luckily I managed to keep it together, even when the Border Control person asked me if I had been on holiday: I managed to hurriedly reply 'no actually I'm studying out there and I'm home to see my family and friends' without choking. In fact, I managed to hold it together until I came through arrivals and saw my Mum. And then I cried. But it was OK: it's not the first time I've cried in Costa, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

Back on home soil at last!

After a lovely 24 hours or so at home catching up with Mum and Dad, we were on the M4 to the West Country, and I was at last reunited with my housemates in Exeter!! It's probably not surprising that there was a part of me that worried whether it would be the same when I got back. They had all been living together for almost 2 months while I was in another country, and I must admit I was a bit nervous that things would feel different, or that I would struggle to go back to our uni life after everything that had happened in France, or that they would have moved on without me. Luckily, none of those things were true. We just picked up where we left off, and after half an hour of chatting in the kitchen and then at the pub down the road (which we meant to go to all last year but never actually made it to!) I was reminded how lucky I am to have these people in my life. Super cheesy I know, but then this has been a pretty emotional post throughout, so I thought I'd continue the theme. As far as I felt I had come in France, this group of crazy British students know me better than almost anyone else, and I realised how much I had missed being able to be 100% myself with people who completely share my sense of humour, know all my little quirks and who I have so much history with. Cringey as it sounds, I really felt like a puzzle piece that had been put back in its rightful place!!

The whole week was just amazing: I had told myself that I wouldn't worry about France or put pressure on anything, but just love being back, and I did. I went out for way too many lunches and coffees, and did almost nothing productive, but I had - quite simply - the best week ever. I loved just doing normal things with my friends like going to CU, watching films, having coffee in our favourite places, going up to campus and just hanging out in each other's houses chatting or working (well they worked, I distracted them). I took a woefully small number of photos, but this was mostly because I was so busy enjoying myself that I forgot to take any more! But here are a couple that I did take:

Lunch with the gals

Beautiful Exeter

Tea with Jules

Dragging the boys to a cute teashop

So there you have it! All in all, a week that lived up to my ridiculously high expectations: to have the chance to go back to my wonderful university life when my brain had forced itself to let go and move on (to an extent) in order to really embrace France was such a gift. I felt all week like I was living on bonus, borrowed time, like someone who had been out of uni for years and wished they could go back to their heyday. I felt so lucky not only to have had this life, but to have the chance to appreciate it even more than I did last year, because I had lost it and then found it again.

Roll on February half term!!